On Woman Romantics

       This semester I am taking a couple of survey literature classes, which I am enjoying immensely. One of the reasons I like them is that, because they cover so much time, our readings are mostly restricted to shorter pieces, which often means poetry! I love poetry. And I get exposed to a lot of really excellent poetry I might not have otherwise encountered. One example is “To My Dear and Loving Husband,” Anne Bradstreet, a sixteenth century American woman. For your convenience, here it is:

If ever two were one, then surely we.

If ever man were lov'd by wife, then thee.

If ever wife was happy in a man,

Compare with me, ye women, if you can.

I prize thy love more than whole Mines of gold

Or all the riches that the East doth hold.

My love is such that Rivers cannot quench,

Nor ought but love from thee give recompetence.

Thy love is such I can no way repay.

The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.

Then while we live, in love let's so persever

That when we live no more, we may live ever.

       Nice, isn't it? Nothing particularly fancy, but a well-written verse and very sweet, something you would love your own wife (or husband) to write for you. That's why I was shocked at the reception it received in class discussion.

       One classmate thought it was creepy, like “if he wasn't her husband she would sleep in a tree outside his window and follow him around.” Others said that it was “really sappy” and eye-roll inducing. It wasn't just the guys of the class that thought this either, the “sleeping outside window” comment was made by a female. I was really very surprised. This is a class of English majors, it's definitely not like they had never read love poetry before. I assume they have read other sixteenth-century poetry, most of which is written by men. And while Donne can get a tiny bit creepy on occasion, I would find it hard to believe my classmates think all poets are crazy stalkers. And in terms of sappiness, “To My Loving Husband” ranks just a little bit above “My Mistress' Eyes.” In other words, very low. Therefore, the response was really kind of strange. What is it about this particular poem that would make them see it differently from other love poems? I believe it is because it was written by a woman.

       In the culture in which I am currently residing, there's not really a double standard for sex; both genders are held to the same standard. There is, however, a double standard of romanticism. When a boy writes love notes, buys flowers, and visits for no reason, he's romantic, amazing, and definite husband material. When a girl does it, she's weird and clingy. This may derive from the stereotype that men are afraid of commitment and women are over-eager for it. People may think that being romantic (for a guy) is defying the stereotype, or (for a girl) confirming it. Or perhaps it's the idea that the man should always make the first moves. Think about it: do you find the idea of a woman – a modern, ordinary woman – writing love poetry weird? Well, stop it. I think it's ridiculous. Women deserve just as many chances to be sweet and romantic as men do. So write your love poems, girls! Surprise him with something. Show those men that creepy stalkers aren't the only ones who express their love.