What is friendship, anyway? What makes a friend? I started thinking about this question when I read the "Friendship" chapter in C.S. Lewis' The Four Loves, a couple months ago. I was pretty sure his definition was wrong, but I realized that I wasn't quite sure what I thought friendship was. I think I've got it now.
Of course, I can only speak for my friendships, not having great experience with anybody else's. So if this doesn't fit you, I'm sorry write your own definition. Lewis said his definition was only about male friendship (the whole chapter is actually pretty sexist, even for 1960), so maybe mine is for female friendship. And of course it is possible that I am, once again, writing about things I am unqualified to explain.
Lewis asserts that true friendship occurs only when two people discover something they are both passionate about, and that all real friendship must therefore be "about" something. I was slightly offended; by this definition all my dearest friends to whom I am not actually related are demoted to mere "companions," a lesser relationship than real "friends." My closest friend and I have nothing in common. We are complete opposites: she is popular, outgoing, athletic, on the good side of crazy and loves to party and date. I am none of those things, loving instead books, poetry, and solitude. We do have some things in common - we both like learning, boys, the gospel and chocolate - but we also have them in common with about 95% of the female population at BYU. According to Lewis, such different people can't be friends, and yet we are. His definition must be at least incomplete.
So what else is there - what is friendship? It's a choice. My friend is my friend because I love her. Why do I love her? Because she's my friend. Circular, yes, but so is friendship. When people choose to love each other, to watch out for and care about and cry with each other, they become friends. Nothing else is necessary, only love.
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